Until I get to see Lotty and Nikky.
I really really like Kelson...
I hate this...
the dance was fun with Eric.
The pictures turned out perfect!
but yeah anyways...
Im kind of down today...
at least I got to talk to Beth this morning!
that made it halfway a good day!
Im glad shes my best friend!
And Kelson feels special because he is my best guy friend.
He's so silly.
He got a job...
at DQ... Now Im the bum....
I hope that laundry matt opens soon....
Im putting my application in there...
Have a great day!
By the way... Im starting tohang out with Kelsons friends... and They are the coolest people ever! I really love them! they make me laugh! I hope that they still have my lunch next semester... I think Im going to start sitting with them!!
Until I get to see Lotty and Nikky.
Okay So I went to the doctor this morning..
And Evidnetly Im really bad, because He gave me a few anti-biotics. which isnt a problem to me. But I cant swollow pills, so he gave me all liquids. Yayness. But they are going to taste BAAAD! But He looked in my ear because mom told him my ear hurt... people you have NO Idea how bad it hurt last night, I was screaming and crying. I even had a heating pad on it. But he looked at my ear and he said "oh, Thats BAD, Im not surprised you've had lots of pain!" People... 17 year olds usually dont get ear infections!!! Ear infections are usually found in kids. like the last time I had one, was when I was 1... and had tubes in my ears.
And my Sinus infection is so bad, that my teeth hurt, and I cant eat. Also my cheeck is twice its size, and sinus cavities are all in pain. when I change environments, i feel pressure in my face. that is not good. Also when I cough, it feels like all the blood in my body goes to my face.
Okay so enough about talking about my sickness.
My parents arent paying for my Santa Switch ticket, which is really stupid. Because I was going to pay for pictures, but whatever. Im just gald Im going with Eric. Im going to ask him out during santa swtich. okay... so maybe before santa switch. Depends when we get to hang out. Which is like.... Never.
But okay. My sister in law and brother stopped going to my old church. I dont know where they are going, but they were feeling the same way I am at my church right now. That is why Me and Beth started going to a new church on sunday nights. And its really fun. And I really like the people there. They are really cool and funny.
I think I've babbled enough, and my Bell is about to ring.
Mrs. Weber decided that its a free day for us that came...
we get free deserts at lunch! w00t!
lots of free cookies and deserts!
Im going to go in there...
Get that stuff..
then go to LHW/babyroom!
I love it in there!
They have already spoiled me again today!!
Its Tina's birthday!
Its Andrew's birthday!
I had so much fun with Beth last night!
It was loads of fun,...
We went to see Eric... and I was a chicken again... I promised I wouldnt chicken out.... but i did... I didnt hug him! but Im going to! I want him to hang out with us again on saturday! at TTT because its going to be a lot more fun! and Im going to hug him!! Jacob is helping me get pumped up and ready to!! I love my cousin for that! I barely know him, but he's really cool. And Just like me and Kelson!! Which is kind of bad.. But it works.
Im going to go though!
When we went to see Eric... I couldnt stop smiling... I was so nervous..And scared!!!! Omgosh! Im so in Like!!!!
SO! While I babysat last night....
I called Kelson, then Eric, then Eric again, Then Kelson again.
Not to mention I was on the computer the whole time.
Fun times, Fun times.
But I got 25 bucks babysittin 5 hours.
But when I talked to Eric...
I was all smiles... No joke Like I totally couldnt quit smiling... any of you tell him that... i might have to hug you! haha. I really want to hug Eric... REALLY badly! I hope he can go to TTT on saturday.. Because I really wanna hug him soon. because Im beating myself up about it... Im just as bad as Kelson... which is horrible.
But When I talked to Kelson.... for the like... 3 1/2 hours we talked. We talked about tons of stuff.. no joke, it was so fun! I almost peed my pants a few times! because we now know that we can be totally open with each other and not be afraid to say "bad" stuff to each other. Because we made so many comments last night to each other... to the point where other people would pass out if they heard us say them.. not to mention i was saying stuff in front of the kids that i shouldnt have said.. And he was telling his brothers that i kept saying that they where hott... lol haha they are going to kill me in my face!
On that note... I have to beat Kelson up at Andrews party.. I just have to.. We dont reember why..we just know that Im supposed to. I revealed the fact that Im like totally and completely in like with Eric... Most of you have no idea. Beth does.. and Kelson does...But omgosh! hes just so.... CUTE! and ADORABLE! and ... soon to be mine! He will be mine in a matter of months... haha I say months because He is still terrified of me. I dont care though! As long as I still like him.. lol
So I might take Kelsons advice "You like him, you think he likes you, kiss 'im!" lol No... Not really. But I am going to hug him. like... Im just going to go up to him.. and hug him! AH! lol Im crazy about him.
Haha. So I really need to get to work.. But I cant ! LHW Gave me tons of sugar last period. and im totally loaded with hyperness!!!! I had like... 2 cupcakes(chocolate) 3 cookies, and lots of hersheys kisses and dove chocolates. yayness! haha They are spoiling me!!!
I realize this is long... I just had to reveal my undying love for Kelson`! haha and how much I like Eric... and I want him to be mine...
I like the way he smiles.
I like the way he talks.
I like the way he looks at me.
I just like him.
And I hate liking him.
but I love it!
I dont know what is going to happen with him.
I really hope there is something that happens..
Because... My heart will be crushed.
It was Beth's 18th birthday!
I was the perfect Devil.
Andrew took a picture of me..
and It rocked hard!
I really loved that picture!
And I hope to get it from him sometime!
I also liked the way He looked at me and smiled when I showed the picture on Andrews phone to him.
He makes me smile.
I had a lot of fun hanging out with him tonight.
I want to do it again.
I love hanging out with him.
But shes staying the night so that we can work on our poverty awareness powerpoint.
and so that we can do egg crackin together.
I almost cried last night when shannon called and said that I was going with them because sblood's van was full...
So I asked if Beth could come with us. Because our group is taking the bus.
So now sblood is going with us. hip hip hoorah!
We might get out DDR.
We havent done that forever.
And I need to start working out again.
I might end up setting that up, upstairs.
So I can work out a lot.
And since in the winter we dont use upstairs.
we might this year.
Because its all clean around it.
I dont know.
Lotty's brithday party is tomorrow...
and we dont have the money to go...
so now I have to call her and tell her happy 2nd birthday. I feel so freaking horrible for missing my niece's birthday party!!!! but we are buying her a tricycle.
o'well... Im going to go now.
I think I like him.
I know I think he is cute.
But Im supposed to hang out with him tomorrow.
I think he's totally cool.
I enjoy talking to him.
He goes to Rietz...
And the only problem is....
Hes a sophmore...
Why do i always like younger guys?
I dont know if we'll end up dating..
but I do want to ask him to our Santa Switch.
I would love to go with him.
I think he's totally adorable.
But I always go for a certain kind of guy...
Yeah sblood... you know what Im talking about!!
Pray about it...
I really dont want to seriously date anyone right now.
I hate having to break up with people.
But I cant get close right now...
Unless I know that God is really telling me something about them.
I would really like to get to know Eric right now.
not as a boyfriend.
But as a casual 'talking' type dating.
I just want to 'talk' to him..
Until I can find out what I want to do.
go to it!!!
I know I shouldnt seeing as im in this situation.
Im juss going to make it known...
I DONT LIKE BEING CREEPED OUT!
I dont like being freaked out.
I dont like my boyfriend being worried about me
I dont like having to put my journal on friends only.
This makes me feel REALLY insecure.
..Thats all I have to say.
I really dont know how I feel right now.
I have realized that Im a huge infulence on my little brother. Yes its probably because he has mimiking(sorry if i didnt spell that right) Autism But still. Everything I do he has to do it like me. Like when we eat dinner... I dont eat a lot of meat... so he doesnt either. I feel like Im going to basically screw him up.
I really dont know If I can handle him totally following in my steps. It freaks me out. I wouldnt trade my brother for anything though. and I'd probably be a very bad person if he wasnt here. Because I know that I do influence him. Also I have come to realization that he is JUST like me. He has my temper... He has my face.. He has my personailty.. and the little freak is almost taller than me. lol
I love him though. He is one of the best things in my life.
Im tired of people contradicting in my own journal what I say. If you have anything to say... Say it in your own journal.
This will be the last journal I post in public. Because I do want someone to see this.
Im getting freaked out by my whole situation. and I want it to stop.
Also... Gabe might be coming to town this weekend if he gets yard work done. And possibly next weekend. Then I will be going to see him while Heather goes to prom on the 6th. That will be fun too. Because then we can have Jennifer and Gabe time at his house.
Im really happy I have Gabe as a boyfriend. I know that he will always love me for me. No matter what happens in my life.
So this guy that sits by me this period... Juss looked at my screen ... then complimented me on being a good influence on my brother. Artie is the coolest! (well at least in this class!)
I didnt get to talk to Gabe this morning... and It makes me feel weird. but he probably slept in longer... which isnt a problem for me. He shouldnt have to get up earlier than he did juss to talk to me before I go to school. even though I really like our conversations in the mornings...
Yeah.. this is long enough. lol